ANGULATION  
 Degree to which dog handlers will bend over backwards to impress the judge.
 BALANCE  
 How to arrange the checkbook so your spouse     won't know how much money you spent on dog shows last month. Usually done in the bathroom with the door locked.
BITCH
 A. Name for a lady dog.
 B. Name often overheard at dog shows,
not always to describe a lady dog.
COAT  
The hairy covering of a dog that usually falls out about one week before the Specialty show.
DAM  
 A. A lady dog with children.
 B. Expression frequently overheard at dog 
shows as losers leaves the ring.
ELBOW 
 Method of getting to ringside when late.
EXPRESSION  
"Sweet" look adopted by dogs while staring ravenously at chunks of liver.
FANCIER  
Degree to which some gentlemen handlers dress more than others.
FEATHERING  
What winners are accused of doing to judges' nests.
FRONT  
Part of the dog often stacked toward the outside of the ring.
 HEEL 
 A. You feel like when your dog beats the one you had just sold to an eager novice.
B. Expression often screamed to attract the attention of deaf dogs.
HEIGHT  
As in "Maximum Allowed,
" a measurement which all champions fall under by AT LEAST 1/8 inch.
HOCK 
 A way of financing your dog shows by the use of jewelry such as wedding rings.
KENNEL
 Where you go when the kids fight and your spouse yells at you.
LITTER
Trash left all over the building and parking lot after a dog show.
MUZZLE  
What to put on your kids at a dog show to prevent them from calling your competition what they overheard you call him last night.
NOSE PRINTS  
Cute marks left all over your French doors.
OUT CROSSING  
What your spouse tells the minister what you are doing 
out in the kennel with the dog and the bitch.
POINTS 
 Minute, invisible awards for winning which you cannot 
convince your spouse are more important than cash prizes.
PUPPIES 
 Small, dog like food-processing machines with the ability to stink up
 an entire house and collectively deafen a band of magpies
 (These creatures have not yet been perfected, as they come with a leaky system,
 and can also be dangerous to weak hearts and bank accounts.)